Guilt

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Tucked nice and warm under the covers of my bed. A thought pops into my head. I tell myself that I should write it down, but the room is dark and I'm half asleep already. 

I let it go. 

Saying I'll remember it in the morning. I repeat it to myself a few times, hoping it'll get stuck in my head.

9 out of 10 times it doesn't.

I shrug and start my day with guilt motivating my actions. I don't think that's healthy.

I want to accomplish with love and excitement, rather than guilt.

Is it the social pressure to achieve, achieve, achieve? Or is it my perfectionism? 

Don't you just hate it when people say that they're a perfectionist? Anyway, is it in our nature? 

After years of denying my true sensitivity and confusing strength with masculinity, I've finally surrendered to my femininity. 

You see, I was confused.

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We all understand things in a different way. And that's okay. 

That also means that I am often misunderstood. I keep telling myself that's okay too. 

They say that we're afraid of change. Is that so? 

Because I'm afraid of being stuck on repeat. I'm afraid of never improving, or worse. Deteriorating. 

I'm afraid that the world will never change. I'm afraid that we will continue to exploit animals and destroy this beautiful planet with our ignorance, simply for our temporary convenience. 

With all this compassion, I was also given hope. Ignorant hope that keeps me going. I'm privileged, not with money or power. But with knowledge and faith. 

Animal cruelty, plastic, child labor, global warming, and the list is endless, but for every negative, there's a positive. 

At least that's how I like to look at it. Even though sometimes it seems like we'll never free ourselves of our problems. 

It's dark only because we can't *yet* see the light at the end fo the tunnel.

There are infinite things that I don't know, and that's okay too. 

*What are you afraid of? What motivates you?