I Haven't Decided Yet

If you knew me, you'd know that I'm a pretty indecisive person; it's annoying sometimes. I've tried to change that about myself for several years. Until I realized that not deciding right away gives me the opportunity to check out other options; learn more.


Sometimes you just gotta lay down and listen to good music, but what's good music? Well, that's completely up to you.

Music does weird shit to me. I love it too much, it impacts my day more than it should. I wonder where this love comes from, it doesn't make sense to me. How can I love something so much yet not understand; I don't even know how to read notes or play an instrument. Maybe that's why I love it. I didn't study music, no one tried to complicate it to me. In my mind it's simple. It's a way to dive deep into the mood I'm in or change my mood depending on what I want to do. 

I don't think I've understood the power of living in the moment until well, now. When you're living in the present, you're not worried because you're not thinking/living in the future nor are you angry, upset, or sad because you're living in the past. You start noticing how good it feels to be alive. The sunlight, the air around you, the air in your lungs. Maybe you're in pain, but it's alright; you can endure it, just breath and take it all in. It's fine and it'll always be fine, not just at the end like we always say. No, even during that painful moment, it's fine.

Excuse my 'hippie' moment. I think that marks as a big moment in my life. A moment that got built up by many others and will continue to build up as I continue to improve myself without self-judgment, comparison, and competing.


My father raised us to be pretty competitive. I love my dad, but I hate that he did that. I asked my siblings how they feel about competition and they got very confused with my question. After some explaining they answered. What struck me was my little sister's response (she's 11 years old) she said that it makes her stressed. She's very smart, self-motivated, and competitive. My mom told me once that sometimes she doesn't sleep at night if she has an exam or a competition coming up. I don't think that's right. All of this reminded me of a research paper I did in college about Finland's education system and how it's considered one of the best in the world; their methods will surprise you! My favorite one is that they don't encourage competition whatsoever. Oh and no testing, only learning.

Click here if you want to learn more about Finnish education.

In my case, competition scares me; it makes me stressed. Sometimes it makes me work harder and other times it makes me feel discouraged. Most of the time it's a combination of stress, discouragement, fear, and self-hatred. Maybe competition makes us work harder, but even if it does, I think there are better methods to make us work more efficiently. Basic motivation tactics, recognition, teamwork,  goal setting, and many others.

It's not fair for anyone to compare themselves to anyone else. Everyone is different, no one lives the same life, each one of us goes through different shit. So why from the minute we're born we are compared to others. Then we enter the education system and it just keeps getting worse. Maybe competition works, maybe yeah it does make people work harder in the short run then eventually, people burn out.

I just googled "competition" and an interesting definition came up. According to Wikipedia, "competition is the opposite of cooperation".

I like to remind myself that; yes, there's a lot of competition out there, but there's also an unlimited space for success.