Why do we need a reason to do crazy things? Why is it even considered crazy for a woman to shave her hair?

Since I was in middle school until my last year in college I found myself looking for a reason to shave my head. I could tell you that I did it to support cancer patients or for feminism. These are both great causes, but to be honest, I did it simply because I wanted. At first, I thought it was just a silly desire, then I started to wonder why. What's behind this that will shock my friends and family?

Trying to understand why hair is considered an element of beauty in many cultures, and why we women take a significant amount of our time, money, and energy to take care of our hair. Having hair strands all over the bathroom and your bed, in my opinion, is an enough reason to cut your hair. Oh, and did I mention how much I used to hate windy days, only because my hair would be all over my face. Now, I don't mind the wind, and I get why many people like rolling down the windows on a nice day. I guess beauty is pain, and that's why society views hair as a nice feature.

I don't feel comfortable saying this, but to clarify where I'm coming from, I think I'm considered a beautiful woman, I didn't want to be the pretty girl anymore, I wanted to be something more. I wanted people to look beyond my pretty face and thick shiny hair. On the other hand, and I hate to admit this, but looks matter and being pretty can make life easier and people are sometimes 'nice' to you, but do I want to spend so much time every day just so some people can be nice to me for the wrong reasons? Eh.

Besides, my pretty face was causing me my biggest fear, aging. I learned that it's common for good-looking people to be afraid of getting older and losing their looks, losing their identity. However, I didn't realize that I'm one of those people, then I noticed how much I am attached to my looks and identify myself with them. When I dug deep and tried to understand my fear, first I thought that it is because I like to be active, and the older I get it will be more challenging to participate in the activities I dearly enjoy until eventually, it'll be very hard. Then I realized that's not the only reason I'm afraid of being old. I'm afraid that I'll lose who I am.

I try to put my fears in peace and remember that there's much more to life than living an active life and having good looks. When you're older there are many others things to enjoy; the people around you, seeing the younger generation grow, sharing memories with others, understanding life on another level, oh and baking for dayyss! Now I started spending more time on other interests that are not working out. Wearing makeup only on occasion. Most days I'd only put on lipstick if anything (this is huge being a Saudi girl) I still take care of myself in other ways. I started meditating daily, writing more, and using natural ways to improve my looks. I feel so much better living this way, I pay attention to my body and mind, and recognize when something is wrong and find ways to heal it. I'm less stressed and feel more relaxed now than I ever did.

The more I thought about shaving my head the more I wanted to do it. I didn't tell anyone about it. I knew that if I told someone they'll try to talk me out of it, and there was no way in hell I was going to change my mind. Finally, one day I booked an appointment at the hairdresser. The day of the appointment my brother called me asking for a ride to the mall. So I casually told him that I have an appointment, but he didn't think anything of it. He didn't even realize that I was going to get a haircut. Until he saw me on the hairdresser's chair telling her to shave my head off. He freaked out, and kept on repeating "I don't know about this" and disappeared. After I got done, he was afraid to look, but then when he did he said it looked alright. The hairdresser loved it and said that I have a nicely shaped head. I sent a picture to my best friend right then, she freaked outtttt and called me right away, she thought the picture was photoshopped. She couldn't believe it, especially that I never mentioned it.

The problem was that I looked good with my shaved head. Guys thought it was hot, girls thought it was edgy and stylish. People would scream on the street telling me that they liked my hair. I did not end up achieving what I was trying to change.Then I realized that maybe I shouldn't try to change who I am, instead, I should embrace it, of course without getting obsessive with my looks, but if I was born with what society views as beautiful then the hell with it. I can still show people that I'm more than a pretty face, it'll just take some time.

I'd love to keep my hair short, but right now I'm enjoying seeing how my hair grows out to different lengths. Maybe try different haircuts down the road, and eventually go back to a shaved cut. I have many reasons to back up my decision to donate all of my hair, but at the end, I just wanted to do it.